A few people now have asked why we are adopting. No, I do not have a busted baby-maker...I have a health issue that would complicate pregnancy. I am perfectly capable of conceiving, it's just not wise for me.
I have a condition called Hidradenitis Suppurativa (HS). HS is basically a skin condition in which sweat glands get infected. Some people suffer horribly with this condition, I do not. God has blessed me so greatly... I have a very mild case. I had surgery in 2007 to remove the sweat glands from underneath both arms, and it was successful, but only temporarily. The sweat glands grow back, and the HS can present again (and it has.) I could have them lanced in the hospital, and I have once, but it's not worth that pain. I can just wait it out and get in a hot bath (which is far preferable to having someone stick a needle in it!) For me, this means some uncomfortable days when I have an infection, usually on my thigh is the worst, but that's generally the extent of it. It doesn't inhibit me at all. I never even have to take a Tylenol.
Sadly, there are many people who suffer greatly. They are permanently disabled, scarred, in constant pain, and depressed. Pregnancy usually does one of two things to someone with HS: the pregnancy makes the HS go into "remission", only to become significantly worse post-partum. Alternately, HS can get progressively worse throughout the entire pregnancy and remain that way post-partum.
In most of the cases I've read about, these are the two most likely scenarios for HS pregnancies. The disturbing part is that the aggressive post-partum HS never dies back down. Most women who had mild cases then suffered severe cases...permanently.
Caring for a newborn, or a child of any age, is physically demanding work. I can't do that work if I'm disabled from the HS. I'm sure there's a slight chance that I could have a healthy pregnancy and the HS wouldn't get any worse, but those odds are extremely low. I'm not willing to take that risk, and neither is Tom. Tom gets upset when I have a "bump" (as I call them, for lack of a better word) now, and they are never too bad! I can't imagine how upset he would be if the HS got worse. He hates seeing me in pain...he feels helpless. I find that ironic somehow... that he should feel that way when he is the least helpless man I know. He's always so strong, so capable, so in control.
So we talked about it. We weighed our options...for about two minutes. Neither one of us is stuck on "biology" in the least. Neither one of us cares one bit whether our child looks like us or not. Sure, it'd be neat to see Tom's gorgeous blue eyes staring back at me from our daughter's face, but you know what's cooler? Seeing Tom hold her. Watching her sleep on his chest. Listening to her laugh as he tickles her belly. We don't need the DNA to be her parents...we just need the love. And that we have in abundant supply.
Adoption wasn't really much of a discussion at all in our house. It was kind of like "Yeah, that's the way we'll build our family!" It wasn't a decision born of infertility, struggle, last resorts, or desperation. It was just...natural. Right.
And pregnancy, you ask? Won't I miss being pregnant? Having that experience of my child growing inside of me? Yeah, a little. But I kind of equate a pregnancy to a wedding. Hear me out on this one; the wedding is just one day. It's one moment in time. It's a teardrop in a rainstorm. It's the marriage that counts...the wedding is just a fancy announcement. And pregnancy is the same (for me, at least), in that it's the same teardrop in a rainstorm. It's the life that counts. It's the life.
Love to All.
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