Why Open Adoption?

Choosing Open Adoption is a scary choice, but one that we're committed to.  There are several types of adoption available.

A) Closed Adoption - Birthparents and Adoptive Parents share absolutely no identifying information, and
     there is no contact.

B) Semi-Open Adoption - Birthparents and Adoptive Parents share no identifying information, and there is
     contact via adoption coordinator until the child is eighteen.

C) Open Adoption - Birthparents and Adoptive Parents share identifying information, and there is personal
     contact as agreed upon by the birth and adoptive parents.

We are choosing Open Adoption for several reasons.  We think it's best for the birthparents.  They, especially the birthmom, can heal as she still remains an active part of her child's life.  And it will be so much better for our daughter, as well.  She will have her birthmom, possibly her birthdad (if he's around), her birthgrandparents, and possibly other relatives as well.  How awesome will that be for her?  And we like the idea that she won't grow up with questions about her birthparents, her heritage, her birthmom's choices, why her birthmom isn't around...Open Adoption just seems to answer so many questions that adopted children grow up with.  (I've done a LOT of research on this!)

What we want for our child is for her birthfamily to be a part of her life: school plays, Christmases, birthdays, cookouts...we want to share it all.

It does take a lot of courage to take on such a foreign relationship.  Adoptive parents must feel so scared of the birthmother, the birthfamily.  After all, the birth relationship is the one thing we can't give our children.  But honestly, I've been here before, and I've done this before.

I have already have a daughter.  Okay, she's technically my "step" daughter, yes.  She's my husband's child from his first marriage, and she's now almost 23 years old.  She's this amazing, talented, down to earth, vulnerable, courageous girl whom I love like she's mine...because she is.  By the way, she has a mom.  She has two moms.  Of course there are times I used to get jealous and insecure about the fact that she already had a mother, and this mother of hers gave her life.  I can never give her that.  But her relationship with her mom in no way takes away from or changes the relationship she has with me, and that relationship grows and evolves every day.

So yeah, I've been there.  I have a child who has a mother, and it doesn't change my relationship with my daughter at all.  I guess it makes it easier for me to embrace an open adoption relationship with our child's birthmother and birthfamily, so that's really a blessing from God.

Our belief is that there can never be too many people to love a child.

Love to All.